When Counsel becomes Confirmation

There are moments in life where we say we are asking for advice, but deep inside, we are not really looking for counsel but for confirmation. We already know what we want to do, we have already made up the decision in our mind, infact we have already imagined the outcome and yet we go around asking people, not always because we want to be corrected, but because we want someone to agree with what we have already decided.

I have seen this in my own life.

I remember a season when I wanted to move to a foreign country. In my mind, I had already built the picture. I liked the place, I liked the opportunity, and everything seemed to match what I wanted. So when I spoke about it, if I am honest, I was not always looking for honest counsel. I was looking for someone to say, “Yes, this is a great idea and infact to take it further, I was hoping, someone will say this is of God.” I still remember that day when I went to talk about it to my mentor, I wrote up all the right points to talk and he said, wait. This is not the right time.

But sometimes what we call seeking advice is really searching for agreement.

As I was reading 2 Chronicles 18, I saw this same thing in the life of Ahab.

Ahab wanted to go to Ramoth Gilead. That desire was already in him. When Jehoshaphat came to visit, Ahab invited him to join the battle. Jehoshaphat, to his credit, asked that they first inquire of the Lord. So Ahab gathered four hundred prophets and they all said the same thing. Go up, God will deliver it into the king’s hand. On the surface, it looked spiritual. There were prophets. There was unity. There was confidence. Everyone seemed to be saying the same thing.

But Jehoshaphat sensed something was missing. He asked, “Is there not still a prophet of the Lord here, that we may inquire of Him?”

That question is powerful.

Sometimes the number of voices agreeing with us does not mean God has spoken. I always remember something that I learnt, do not surround yourself with “yes men”. If you really want to grow, you have to surround yourself with people who will challenge your ideas and thoughts so that it will prune you better. A true friend will not be afraid to speak the truth to you.

Ahab’s response reveals his heart. He says there is still one man, Micaiah, but he hates him because he never prophesies good concerning him, only evil. Micaiah was not a bad prophet. He was not negative for the sake of being negative. He was faithful. The problem was not that Micaiah hated Ahab. The problem was that Ahab hated truth that opposed his desire.

And maybe that is where this becomes personal.

How do I respond when someone tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear?

Do I call it negativity?

Do I avoid that voice?

Do I surround myself with people who will only confirm what I already want?

The four hundred prophets gave Ahab comfort, but Micaiah gave him truth. One sounded pleasant while the other sounded painful. One carried the word that could have saved his life.

That is the danger of yes men. They may make us feel supported, but they can also help us walk confidently in the wrong direction.

Micaiah even begins by saying what the others said, but Ahab knows something is off. Eventually Micaiah speaks plainly and reveals what he has seen. Israel scattered. Ahab falling. The outcome not being what the four hundred had promised. And still, Ahab refuses to listen because it shows that the issue was never lack of access to truth. The truth was available, the voice was present but Ahab had already decided what he wanted.

As I sat with this passage, I found myself asking a quieter question.

When I seek advice, am I truly open to correction, or am I only looking for confirmation? Because at times God’s mercy comes to us through a voice that disagrees with us. Sometimes the most loving voice is not the one that says, “Go ahead.” It is the one that says, “Stop, Wait, Think again and Seek God.”

And maybe that is the lesson Micaiah leaves with us.

A yes man may protect my feelings for a moment, but a truthful voice may protect my life.